Today, I Lost the One I Love…

Today I lost the one I love so excuse me if you see me crying. I felt them come into the room, I could hear them calling my name, but I couldn’t form any words. The tears stifled my voice because I know I can’t let them hear me cry. I’ve been taught that it’s not okay to break no matter how hard life gets. He put his hand on his shoulder to try to get me to snap back to reality. My anxiety screamed, my body ached, I just wanted to disappear; to check out. Anything to take the pain away…

Today I lost the one I love… the gentlemen followed me out the room and had me lead her to the car. I really can’t believe I’m doing this right now. After all she’s done for me, this is how I repay her. Yes, it needs to be done and things should get better right? The journey down the corridor seems longer than before and I feel like I’m leading the sheep to the slaughter. She trusts me so much and I feel like I’m betraying her. But it needs to be done and things should get better right?

Today I lost the one I love… my heart broke as I watched them put her in handcuffs because “its protocol” they tell me. I hear her call my name, but I can’t bring myself to move. I’ve fixated my eyes on the ground trying to hide my tears; trying to hide my pain. I feel like the worst person in the world. How can she ever trust me again? I let her go, scared and alone…

Today I lost the one I love… and even though it’s only until she’s better I find myself asking how will we ever recover from this? How can she ever trust me again? I just let her go. There was nothing I could do and even now, I’m writing this through the tears because I no longer know anymore… but I do know that today I lost the one I love and it hurts like hell.

So I follow my pills with a wine-like chaser and hope somehow I can numb myself because this is all too much for my mind to handle. My crystal doesn’t seem to be working or maybe my mind is just too clouded. I can’t stop this pain no matter what I’ve tried, but I’m sure I deserve it because today I gave up the one I love…

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